Fancy Pants Salon

I know it's been awhile (all you two people who kind of read this) but don't bug out okay! I'm BUSY doing NOTHING all the time so step off my butt if you please. I'm sick of getting HARASSED by ALL of you.

Next: Here is a video of Fat Foot and her personal fur stylist. Her stylist comes to her and does her fur in her own bed! She's a pampered pup I tell you what! She eats Fancy Feast and gets her toe nails painted too! Yeah, the cat food! The soft stuff that looks like compacted puke in a round mold! She is a fucking princess and that is what princesses eat if you can believe it! No, it's not true, but she does get organic yogurt to coat her brown nuggets of dog food which she loves and in fact will bitch and moan over it if she is not getting enough to appease her girlish appetite. That's the lord's honest truth!

Dedication: Sun bathing. She's loooooving it right now!

Blow Out from kianna alarid on Vimeo.

BUN BATH

YESTERDAY JESUS DIED OR SOMETHING (HE WAS WAY OLD!) BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY IT WAS A DAY OF BLESSING EACH OTHER WITH GIFTS OF CHOCOLATE AND COOKIES AND MEALS OF HAMS AND YAMS. (SESS DISLIKES THE SWEET POTATES WITH MARSHMALLOWS AND I LIKE THEM. I THINK I MAY LIKE ANYTHING WITH MARSHMALLOWS. ISN'T THERE THAT SAYING "EVERYTHING IS BETTER WITH MARSHMALLOWS!"? WELL, SESS DISAGREES AND I AGREE.) ANYWAY, WE CELEBRATED WITH BOTH OUR FAMS AND IT WAS GREAT. SO MUCH CANDY AND NO REAL TALK OF JESUS PASSING AWAY. (JK, I KNOW IT'S REALLY ABOUT HIM BEING A GHOST AND COMING BACK TO HAUNT US ON CHRISTMAS..) WE EVEN INITIATED OUR YOUNG NEPHEW LUKE INTO THE CLUB WHERE YOU MICROWAVE PEEPS/GUMMY PIZZAS UNTIL THEY GROW HUGE AND WE ALL LAUGH AND SAY "COOOOOOL!". IT'S CALLED THE COOL CLUB. HE'S IN IT NOW SO CONGRATS LUKE! AT MY PARENTS' HOUSE WE ENTERTAINED OURSELVES AND HOBBES BY PILING EASTER GIFTS ATOP HIM AND RUFFLED HIS PROVERBIAL FEATHERS BY MOLESTING HIS FUR WITH OUR PAWS. HE LOVED IT!

WE CELEBRATED AT HOME BY TAKING OUR VERY OWN EASTER BUNNY OUTSIDE FOR A "WALK" ON HIS HARNESS. FOOT FOOT CAME TOO! AFTER THE "WALK" WE GAVE FOOTY THE CEREMONIAL GIANT EASTER CHEETO AND LATER WE CAUGHT DEE BUN BUN GIVING DAWN A BATH! IT WAS A TOTALLY COOL JESUS' GHOST DAY!

PEEP: BEFORE AND AFTER (UPON YEAR 2000'S FUNNY PLATE)







SESS AND BUN ON THEIR "WALK".















HOBBES, ADORNED.




















CHEETO CEREMONY.
















THE BUN BATH!

Untitled from kianna alarid on Vimeo.



SET'S EASTER EGG.

DAY IN, DAY OUT

MARCH 30TH, 2009

THIS QUEENY HAS A SOLID PLAN EACH AND EVERY DAY.  UNLIKE US, SHE NEVER HAS TO STOP AND WONDER, "WHAT WILL TOMORROW BRING?"  OR "WHAT'S MY SCHEDULE LIKE NEXT WEDNESDAY?"  OR "SHOULD I BREAK UP WITH SO AND SO OR WAIT?" OR "FUCK, I FORGOT I HAVE A DENTIST APPOINTMENT AT FUCKING 9AM TOMORROW AND IT'S ALREADY EFFIN' 5AM NOW!".  NONE OF THESE WILL EVER, EVER, EEVVEERR CROSS HER MIND.  GOD (ULTIMATE ARCHITECT OF THE UNIVERSE, WHATEV YOU LIKE) LOVE HER... SHE IS SUPREME.  

SOMEDAYS I WONDER IF IT WOULDN'T BE BETTER TO KNOW ONLY THE THINGS SHE KNOWS.  I WONDER HOW IT COULD BE TO JUST SPEND DAYS LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW, RESTING MY CHIN ON THE SILL AND IMAGINING CHASING SQUIRRELS OR GNAWIN' A RIB BONE.  BEING CONTENTEDLY IGNORANT TO THE GOINGS ON OF HUMAN LIFE WHILE MY FUR GROWS WARM IN THE SUN.  WE LOVE THIS BEAUTIFUL GIRL SO MUCH IT HURTS AND I JUST WISH THAT SHE KNOWS HOW MUCH SHE TEACHES US EVERYDAY.  I THINK SHE IS HAPPY AND I LIVE FOR THAT.  

THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO LIFE AND LIVING.  DO IT.

AAAAAAND... A YAWN!

MAKEUNDER

WELL, FOOTY WAS BEGGING US TO GIVE HER A NEW LOOK AFTER HAVING BEEN INSPIRED BY LIL WAYNE, DENNIS RODMAN AND EMMYLOU HARRIS WHO SHE RAN INTO AT A CELEBRITY FUNDRAISER THE OTHER NIGHT IN ASPEN. IT WAS AN AUCTION TO RAISE MONEY TO PROMOTE AWARENESS OF THE UPCOMING LAUNCH OF A NEW MUSICAL GENRE. HUGE. ANYWAY, WE FOSTER A FREE AND CREATIVE ENVIRONMENT FOR ALL IN THIS HOUSEHOLD SO WE GAVE HER OUR BLESSING. I THINK SHE LOOKS HOTTT!

YOU CAN'T SEE IT, BUT SHE ALSO GOT THE WORDS "VIDA" AND "LOCA" TATTOOED ON HER EYELIDS.

(POSTED FROM BED AND POST DEDICATED TO BED.)

PARASITIC TWINKY

FOOT FOOT'S GRAMPY TOM GIFTED HER A BABY PLUSHY IN HER LIKENESS LAST YEAR. SHE HAS SINCE CRUDELY REMOVED THE BABY'S EYEBALLS AND DISEMBOWELED IT SOME LIKE A COMMON YET TIMID-AND-FUN VULTURE.

ANYHOW, I'VE FASHIONED HER A HOT NEW HEADBAND (ALL THE RAGE ON GOSSIP GIRL...) AND NOW SHE HAS FUN DOING HER SPOT ON IMPRESSSSION OF BULLDOG-PRINCESS-WITH-A-HEART-O'-GOLD AND A FULLY FORMED (MINUS EYES AND GUTS) PARASITIC FOOTY TWIN.

THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO PRECIOUS DOUBLE BABY.

2 HEADS R BETTER THAN 1 from kianna alarid on Vimeo.

THE INSTRUMENT OF ANGELS

MARCH 14TH, 2009 (2:30 AM)

THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO GENTLE BABY FOOT THE DELICATE SOUND MACHINE AND ALSO TO MXC & THE ROTATING SURFBOARD OF DEATH.. AND ALSO FRESHLY SQUEEZED ORANGE JUICE.



PLAYING FOOT FOOT from kianna alarid on Vimeo.

DOMINATOR / INNER LEOPARD

MARCH 11, 2009 (9:30 PM)

SHE WHO WEARETH THE EARS OF THE PINK PANTHERA SHALL FROM ALL DAYS FORTH BE TRUE TOTAL DOMINATOR OF ALL CRITTERS SMALLER THAN SHE. THIS IS THE WORD.

ALSO, PLEASE DON'T FRET, DEE BUN BUN NOR ANY OTHER CREATURES ARE HARMED IN OUR HOME VIDZ.  I KNOW IT IS HARD TO UNDERSTAND THE BIZARRE RELATIONS BETWIXT OUR LITTLE FRIENDS.  BUT DEE AND FOOTY HAVE SOMETHING SPESHIAL GOING ON WHICH INVOLVES THE GUMMING OF A CERTAIN BUN'S EARS... THIS HOWEVER WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAD WITNESSED THIS AND IT LOOKED AS IF FOOTY WAS GNAWING BUT I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN HER HIGHNESS MORE CREDIT. SHE WOULD RATHER DIE THAN HURT DEE OR POOP INSIDE FOR THAT MATTER... WHEN DEE COMES OUT TO PLAY HE GOES TO FIND FOOT FOOT FOR SEXY TIMES RIGHT AWAY. IT IS A REAL GROSS COURTSHIP AND THEY BOTH LOVE IT.  ... DEE IS COOL.  FOOT FOOT IS DOMINATOR AKA DOMIATOR..

DOMIATOR from kianna alarid on Vimeo.

THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO MY DAD FOR TAKING KETH AND I (SIANNA) OUT FOR SPAGHETTI AND ARTICHOKE DIP AND TO MY MAMA FOR GOING ON A SWEET/WEIRD PIRATE/LOBSTER CRUISE IN MEXICO.  PRETTY COOL.  

ALSO A JOKE WHICH I LEARNED FROM STRESS APE:

Q - WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A LOBSTER WITH A BOOB JOB AND A GREYHOUND STATION?

A- ONE IS A BUSTY CRUSTACEAN AND THE OTHER IS A CRUSTY BUS STATION.

YAWN